maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
