I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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