I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
