haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
