Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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