Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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