sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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