Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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