i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
