I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
