Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We left an ass print on the piano.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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