Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I look better un-naked...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
