So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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