help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize