to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
