were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
