You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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