I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize