I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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