he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
