when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
