you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
