Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize