I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
