I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
