he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
