dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
