Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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