well you can't waste a boner
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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