Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
bring money and cleavage
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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