i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
