Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize