It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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