My nipple is on Facebook.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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