i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
