I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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