Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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