I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
