He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
