the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
