my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
PS: I just woke up from my shower
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
