She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Help. Why am I so naked?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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