If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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