Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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