My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
