You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
