i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
