So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
