Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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