last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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