this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
