when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
