So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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