True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
