btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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