i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
