u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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