if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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