I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
