How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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