I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
