: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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